This is not a poem but my beginning.

How to begin my story? I was born to a young couple who lost their dreams when they had me. At the age of five they got a divorce and my mother brought us to the US. I wish I could say that things were better, but instead they were worse. For the first year I found myself confused trying to understand why? Why my father would no longer be around? At the age of six I lived with an aunt and during that time I was also confused. Living with her was not easy or fun. At the age of seven I moved back with my mother. Then I moved with my grandmother for middle school. Again back with my mother. Then on my own at the age of eighteen. My life has been somewhat of a roller coaster, always up and down. I have always walked on my toes. Waiting for the next fall is not easy. This may all sound a bit random but it brings me to the present. July 2008 I moved to Connecticut. Of all places to go, why Connecticut? Well, the story starts with a boy. A boy whom I decided was worthy of changing my life forever. What I did not expect is that our destiny did not want us together. Why I have moved so much in 26 years I can't explain, but I do know that for the first time in my life I don't walk on my toes. Although I'm so scared I feel a bit normal. I have great friends old and new ones. I have myself to worry about and no one else. I go to school and work. It seems as though my ducks are in a row. Still I can't help but to look in the mirror and wonder why? I know I can't see the future and don't want to, but I have a feeling that this is a new start. A fresh beginning where I make my destiny. I make my own path. I can choose to move, love, dance, cry, run, walk, laugh, jump or simply enjoy what comes my way. I know It may sound so simple, maybe it is. I have met someone that has made me see this. I'm the happiest I have ever been and the most of afraid, in the end I know it will all be great.

The Dilema

To be born in Mexico and grow up in the US was my destiny.
Not an easy way to grow up

learning Spanish and English at the same time.

I had to learn American history and Mexico history.

Had to learn to translate for my mother and had to teach my brother.

I ate tacos and pizza
I had popsicles and paletas

I had people say I looked too Mexican
Others said I was not mexican enough.

I danced Banda and learned how to dance to hip hop

Luis Miguel an Michael Jackson
Shakira and Brittany spears
Menudo and Backstreet boys

Never dated Mexican boys and was judged for that
Dating American boys became my type.

My brothers said I was white washed, but if trying to have a better life means that then perhaps they are right.

Let me just say that these things aren't what define me. I am not from there or from here. Not from Mexico and not from the US. I am Karla.

The daughter of Emilio and Fabiola
Sister of Emilio, Emilio, Jonathan, Oscar, Daniel, and Gloria.
I'm strong, loving caring and honest.

I'm not from the north or the south I'm a combination of colors, cultures, music, style, languages, inspiration, ambition, and most of all I am ME.

Who I am

My confessions
Who I am

I think too much
When I think I factor in all the pieces

I give advice that I forget to recycle
Oh, yea you should....

I Don't know how to lie
Did you do this? Yes

I cry at least once a month
Sometimes it's a happy cry and other times are sad

I sing but can't hold a tune
La lala la

I clean all the time, as if I could make germs disappear

I have way too many shoes
Red, brown, flats, boots and some I have never walked in

Babies and dogs make me happy
They re so sweet and innocent who would not love them

I play soccer all tho I'm not Hope Solo

I enjoy food and wine
An ahi tartar and a glass of pinot, but my favorite is enchiladas and a shot of tequila

The best feeling in the world is waking up on a spring or fall brisk morning, walking outside no shoes and feeling the kiss of the sun

An early morning kiss and a goodnight whisper make me melt.

Dresses and bathing suits are all I need in the summer

I don't make thing easy but I'm willing to be there for you

I love flowers and secretly wish I received more

I sink into my pillows and feel calm when I hear the rain

I dance and run
I tell stories that have no ending or beginning

I talk to much and never say enough

I hope and have faith
I'm a friend, a sister, a daughter

When I love I love with all my heart
I use my five senses to feel even the smallest touch
I let you in to my heart

This is a fraction
There is so much more
All I ask is a chance to know me, patience, and time

I share these confessions because I believe it's better to confess first

Oh, by the way I'm Karla

Broken

Irretrievable is such a strange word to me.
I don't use it much because I was always told that anything is possible unless your dead.
How do you fix relationships where one does not love?
If only I could feel what he feels
If I could love what he loves
To be able to look thru his eyes and see what I'm missing
Will I love the way he loves me ?
Will the one I love, love me the way I love him?
I guess it's irretrievable, there is no fixing
Waiting and trying is all I can do
Hoping to understand what was, will be, could not be.

En Busca de un Color

El color de mi tierra, morado
Vibrante y alegre
El color de mi familia, rojo
Lleno de vida, palpitando
El color de mi amor, verde
Creciendo con abundancia
El color de mi honestidad, blanco
Con pureza y sin maldad
El color de mi amistades, anaranjado
Lleno de sonrisas y felicidad
El color de mi alma, rosado
Lleno de ternura y paciencia
El color de destino, gris
Lleno de dificultades, vueltas, pero con esperanza de algún día encontrar la luz
El color que reflejo, no lo encontrado porque todavía me falta vivir, perder, ganar,  triunfar, pero sobretodo me falta alcanzar el pico de la montaña. 
El color de una iguana siempre cambiando con deslumbres.

I know that this poem is in Spanish and most will not understand, but it is a poem about the colors of my life. I would translate it but I truly believe that one should not translate certain things because they lose there meaning. I will say that I am like a lizard always changing color in my journey.

Smile

I came to work yesterday to find a wonderful surprise. My friend Emily came by the office over the weekend and left a lovely note on my desk. It read "Karla I miss you" heart Emily. It is those small things that make me happy. So, I decided that I would try my best to smile to everyone I encountered all day in hope I made a difference in their day.

Today take a moment to make a difference. Smile!

Smile to make someone smile
Smile to bring sunshine in someones heart
Smile to inspire
Smile like there is no tomorrow
Smile just to smile

The White Knight

In the dark I find myself thinking
In the dark I am

I know you never promised forever
I just ask for you to stay a little longer

I can only hope you are the one for me,
the one that never ceases

Never say good bye

My knight, the night
My king, the light

To smile and to hold

I know forever is too long
Oh do I long for you to stay

My only option is to wait
Be patient, they say

I hope you never say forever
I just plead for you to stay a little longer
Don't walk away, Dont't look away

Kiss me and caress me
and never go away

Let me not get ahead, all I want is for you to stay just one more day.

Green light, Red light, or maybe Yellow

There are times in our lives when we say the wrong thing. Other times we just barf it out without thinking. Just like the commercial, you just want to get away.  Now is it wrong to be to vocal or ask for what you want. I can't speak for everyone, but I do find myself running instead of walking at times. For many who don't know me I might come across as overwhelming.


My new goal today is to take a step back and breathe.

I need to flow like the river.

Grow

Tia Lucy, Tia Norma
Abuelita, they say I have no hipsWait, why do I want hips I'm only a kid?
And I began to search for them

Days went by
Years added up
Waiting and waiting
And still no hips

Then one day
I came home and there they were!
Looking in the mirror the hips just stared

I looked at them with such despair
I no longer able to wear my favorite pair of jeans
Oh, those hips just laughed
I cried and stomped, I could not comprehend or button my pants

So, I went to visit and they said hurray!
Why are they oh so happy?
She is finally a woman, she said
She will be able to have children,
She is strong now, they all whispered with great smiles on their face

Took some time and some maturing to understand
To love me
To walk with pride
With no shame I walked, and dared to step into a new pare of pants

Like a flower, I bloomed
Maybe, someday I will grow
to understand why hips don't lie
they just grow

True color

Standing here peeling layers
One color at a time
Some are thick, others smooth
Some are black and some are red

With every strip you may notice a bit more of me
As I continue you may find things that I have hiden, for far to long
Deeper I go
One by one
Its not easy, It is hard

You may start seeing parts that are so harsh
Parts that are hard to understand
Like many, you may want to run
or stare
You may want to help,
but you wont know which is the beginning and where does it end

If I peel this layers and let you in
You will find my deepest secrets
You may find my pain

If I let you in
Will you walk by my side?
Will you never regret?
Could you stay a little longer?
Or perhaps stay forever?
Could you love me just a little?

This is me
This who I am
I'm open like a canves driping in paint
This are my questions
As I peel all this layers
Will you help me be release

This are my color
Let us begin

Summer

Today is one of those days I wake up and I feel like a child. Spending a day in the house all the windows open. Feeling the summer heat and laying on the kitchen floor cooling down. Eating some ice and walking barefoot outside. The pavement hot yet comforting. Everything about summer makes me feel safe. If only everyday was a day of summer.

"brilliant and sparkly"

One of the biggest chalenges for me is to relax. How does one relax when there is so much going on? Today is one of those days where I have to talk to myself and relax. Someone once told me "live in the moment and enjoy
it" It seems so easy, but for someone like me it's intense. I feel like my brain is going 1000 miles an hour. One of my new goals is to be me, live now, and just be "brilliant and sparkly".

On Webster dictionary
1 : very bright : glittering
2 a : striking, distinctive b : distinguished by unusual mental keenness or alertness.

1 a : to throw out sparks b : to give off or reflect bright moving points of light c : to perform brilliantly

I will try and be Me! That's all I can be.

One day in Love

Love
Love is an action
It's trust in one another
Support when days are blue
Chemistry , like an equation you want to find the answer

Love is all the things you can't explain.
The feeling of laughter
The point when you can't stop smiling till your cheeks hurt 
The happiness you can see from miles away

Is looking at the person and forgetting anything or anyone exist 
Is as if time stops
You can't think, and you have to remember to breath

Love is inconvenient
Love is unexpected
Love is all you want
love is the action, the emotion, feeling, its what keeps us alive
Love is

Fly

When people come into our lives we don't ever expect them to leave.
The sad truth is that they come and go. Life is a constant change, at least the most consistent part of our lives. With every friendship, love or any kind of relationship we grow and learn. With every touch, laugh, cry, hug, and kiss we develop as people. It's as if we are all caterpillars waiting to become butterflies. The process is slow, but in the end the results make us who we are. Our wings grow and we learn to fly. Where our wings may take us is a mystery, but an adventure that we will never forget. Whether people stay forever or only one day lets learn, grow, and cherish every moment.