When

When people are in love ......
A sad song sounds romantic but it's not
A rainy day seems better but it's still gloomy
When you spill wine you laugh
Falling is okay because you have the strength to get back up
A mountain seems as small as a hill
A goodnight is exciting because tomorrow you get to see them
Cleaning and cooking are no longer chores they are fun projects
Eating is no longer for survival is a natural event
Smiling is not forced you just do it
You don't think twice about changing your plans
You stop dreaming because it's just reality
When you are in love....

Septiembre

Nací en septiembre con el alma de julio.
Con el resplandor del sol y el fuego que me deja sentir.
Como las flores en abril
Yo florecí y crecí
Poco a poco, fui coloreando mi vida como un arco iris
Los colores rojos, azules, verdes y mas
Cada momento calculado por dios
Ha hora, estoy parada esperando con esperanza
Llena de amor
Volteando la pagina para poder sentir
Para poder vivir
Cansada de esperar, yo volé y encontré lo que buscaba
Volando con el sentir del viento y el frío
Por primera vez soy libre, por primera vez ame, por primera vez sentí
Nací en septiembre en el otoño, pero seguiré colorando, viviendo y creciendo.

Memories

I could never say "this is the house I grew up in." I moved many times and lived in many houses. I could never say I vacationed here. I could never say this is where my first tooth fell off. I could never say that, so and so are my best friends since kindergarten. For a long time now I wished I knew what that kinda life was like but, not anymore. I have excepted the fact that I move around a lot. As an adult now I have figured out that no matter where, when or with who, memories are made everyday. People are made by memories and my memories are different and maybe not "normal." The fact is that you are who you are because of your ability to let yourself feel and grow. It does not matter what house you grew up in or when you met your best friend. Whenever it happened and where it happened cannot determine the rest of your life.

"Something" by Shakira

Quand tu
Quand tu me prends dans tes bras
Quand je regarde dans tes yeux
Je vois qu'un Dieu existe
Ce n'est pas dur d'y croire

Before I met you I wasn't terribly lucky
Every Prince Charming lost charm after twelve
But then you came and made the past look so funny
Put my old sadness to sleep on a shelf

If this was meant to be
Don't condemn me to be free
And even if we never marry
I will always love you, baby
Childishly

'Cause something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists

And there's something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists
You make me believe
You make me believe

I love the temperature and smell of your body
The shape of your lips and the size of your nose
I love that everything you say is so funny
Plus you're the best kisser that I've ever known

You see the way I am
Without make-up, without clothes
And you accept me like nobody
And I will always love you, baby
With eyes closed

'Cause something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists

And there's something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists
You make me believe
You make me believe

Quand tu
Quand tu me prends dans tes bras
Quand je regarde dans tes yeux
Je vois qu'un Dieu existe
Ce n'est pas dur d'y croire

There's something
I believe...

There's something
I believe...

There's something
I believe
I do

You make me believe...

... Je te desire ...

I obviously did not write this song but it's one of my many favorite songs. Just wanted to share a little of what inspires me.

Boy

Peculiar he was
Always exploring
Searching for answers

Great at math with the smily face
He was growing up
He did not fit in
He got mad

His brother was cool and the other was funny
His sister was weird but cool all at once
His mother was beautiful
His grandmother his friend
Although he loved science
he would trade it for a sense of identity

As smart as he was, he got lost
He lives everyday wishing he'd done more with his brain

He tries to fix it but all he gets is not enough
I know he will make it
He will find himself
One day he will understand life is not fair
He will overcome the battle
The peculiar boy will be a man

Grass

There are many situations in my life that have made me want something more or different. There have been many people that have made me want to be like them, that inspired me. I can sit here and think of all the "what ifs" that could have been, or do something. There is someone in my life that recently has showed me to accept what I am, what has happened, and what will be, and simply just be me. Some people say that "the grass is much greener on the other side," but I think that instead of looking at other peoples grass, I will work on just growing mine.

Yes there might be that girl/guy that you would like to be like. Or the picture perfect relationship. Even, the parents you wish you had. In the end that is just a waste of energy.

So, I say focus on what you do have and cherish it, maintain it, love it, but most of all experience it. Don't let it pass you by.

I will not be broken

Broken I am
Thousands of pieces
Like a porcelain plate

Never one house
Never one place

Lost in a sea
In search of for the key
The treasure

Lies all tangled in a web
Always guessing
Always questions

No answers
No idea why?

Could she have broken me more?
Could she hurt me more?
When is it enough?

Hitting me, screaming at me, pulling me, bashing me, leaving me.

Laying there cleaning up for her
Picking up the pieces
Sweeping up her mess

She is always running away
No not me
No I won't

I will glue the pieces
I will fix me
I will not let her beat me

I will not be broken

America Changed Me

         In the perfect Mexican family, woman are known to be amazing daughters, sisters,  granddaughters, and wives, I was born to be me. At the age of fifteen, a Mexican girl is considered a woman. She is to learn how to cook, iron, wash cloths, change diapers, how to sit, what to wear, but most importantly to stay quite. I believe that my parents thought I would someday fit the mold.  The one thing they neglected to think of is what would happen, if I grew up in the United states? It happened, at the age of five my mother brought us to America, that was after the divorce. The day I set foot into our new house I could not completely comprehend what was happening but I certainly knew my life had changed. I grew up learning how to be a proper woman, but in the mist of it all I became outspoken, strong, and independent.

       Growing up as a Mexican girl in America has its challenges. Trying to please your family and learning you have options is tough. As my mother or grandmother would cook, I was forced to sit and learn. All I wanted was to read or go outside and play soccer with the boys, but that was not proper. As time passed, I learned that if I did what I was told and did it fast It would give me time to explore. I began to read, watch the news, and made it on to the honer role.  In the process my brothers would tease me "you're so white washed" they assumed that because I did well I was better than them. My mother, well, she was indifferent, as long as I learned to cook and clean. Instead of letting all the negatives get to me, I made it my fuel. The more comments I heard , the more my mother did not care, the less I wanted to be like them and the stronger I grew.

Don't get me wrong, Its not like cleaning and cooking is a bad thing it just was not all I wanted. And, I'm sure my mother wanted a great future for me ,but sadly she didn't know how to show that she cared. At least this is my theory. now back to the story.

            By becoming stronger I also became outspoken. Seeing the way my mother's boyfriends treated her and talked to her, angered me.There are many qualities that I like about my mother, but letting men degrade her was not one. In this process the fairytale in my head slowly died, and I created my own opinion about life, love and what I wanted.I slowly began to speak out. If something bothered me or I disagreed I would say something, but I did it in a lady way. If one of my mothers boyfriends disrespected her I would stand up for her. In school I became a leader, at home I stated my point of view. This did not go over well in some cases, but I learned to respect others opinions, and that my ideas are not the only ideas.


I'm not a feminist and do not agree that woman can do anything men can. It goes both ways there are many thing both men and woman can not do as well as the other. " There is a time, a place, and the proper moment to speak"-Karla Villa

Building character and breaking out of my shadow, I also learned how to be independent. Unlike my mother, I learned not to depend on anyone. If I wanted something, I earned it. In fourth grade I worked at a laundry-mat and prior to that I would babysit for everyone. I tried to not ever ask for much. When I played sports I found my own way there and back. I walked to school every day. At the age of eighteen after my mother vanished I got an apartment and took care of my brothers. I did not allow many people to try and help. I felt that if I let anyone in I would get weaker. No one could ever say "Because of me you have this or that." If I failed, I picked myself right back up: always have, always will.

I may never be the "Perfect Mexican woman" Now I am the perfect Mexican/American woman and I will continue to learn and grow.

        


 

Charlie

There once was a boy named Charlie

A boy with big dreams
He was strong and funny

So peculiar he was
Always investigating
Always in search of something

Charlie be good
Charlie don't do that
Charlie stop that
Charlie grow up

Never, Charlie I love you
Charlie your great!
Charlie your smart

Oh, that boy

All he wanted was to play
All he wanted was a hug
All he wanted was a path a guide

Slowly he shattered
He was lost in the web of uncertainty
Lost in the tangles of life between the good and the bad

No one to catch him
No one stop him
No one to hug him
Mm
Still till this day that boy named Charlie tried to find himself
Still in the search he finds himself
Alone in the jungle that he can't seem to get out of

Waiting is Charlie
Thinking he is
Missing he is
There is a boy, a boy named Charlie

I miss him, I love him, I only wish him the best

Kaleidoscope

Looking back I see the ups and downs

Every moment slowly climbing and falling faster

Tric trac Tric trac was the sound
My muscles tense
At the top I waited every time

Over and over it would happen

Holding and holding
Waiting and waiting

Searching and finding
Hating and loving

Slowly the wall came up
Always running away
Always pushing away
Never allowing myself to feel
Adding the bricks one by one
Bigger than The Great Wall of China

Guarding myself like Joan of Arch

One day as I was falling
Hitting the ground,
exploding, and bursting, I was found

I find myself feeling
The pain slowly disappearing
Like the fog sometimes coming back
The awareness of my downfalls before my eyes
Every memory, every burn, every scar, the reminder of all my pain, slowly fading away.

Falling into a a sea into his arms
Standing there afraid but completely happy, feeling peace
The happiest I have ever been

Like a kaleidoscope
Full of colors and shapes
Excited to see what is next
Like a child waiting for school to end
Like the sky waiting for a rainbow after the rain
Hoping this felling never goes away