Into the Dark

The thought of death

Every day I wake up

I walk into the bathroom as my dog follows me

She sits there looking at me yearning for some love

I talk to her in my half asleep state

I get in the shower and all I think is “just another day”, “a good day”

Today is different, I think of death

 As I drive to work, I imagine my car exploding with me in it

Am I sick? Or am I just simply jaded

I do not understand

To my friends I am positive, I love life, to learn and most of to be happy

“I have a fire in me” I say to myself

Could it be loneliness, sadness, or just another pre-menstrual feeling?

Selfish, I say, to think of death

My dysfunctional life made me immune to this feeling, which I have always felt

The feeling of crazy, nonsense, disaster, and discomfort

I begin to think it’s normal

Bouncing up and down, tragedy and resilience 

I smile of the thought of death because somehow I am able to let it all out

To write it, think it, and talk about it

I feel it and will not allow it to take the best of me

To think of death

Releasing it was not easy

“Let the bitch go “!!!

She is dead!