Red

How does one get over a broken heart? We can all relate to the symptoms of a broken heart. Broken Heart: a place deep inside that hurts extremely bad you can die, it cries so much it begins to dry, it’s so numb you forget to breath, so cold it makes you blue. I had no idea that that could actually happen.  

​See there are many things and people that have broken my heart but I have never been as despaired as I was the first time I really had my heart broken. For the first time ever, I begged and pleaded for him to stay. I screamed his name so loudly it felt like I was all alone in the world. The pain came rushing not just in my heart but my stomach my head. I could not eat, I could not sleep. It was as if I had run away from sleep and it would chase me. Soon, I became numb allowing my body to take over I could run for days. As the pain got worse the more I could run the more I wanted to feel the pain because that was the only thing I could feel. Not anyone or anything could make me smile. I found out what it meant to be blue. After a week I had lost 12 pounds and I had lost myself.

​After two weeks, he returned and wanted me back and like a starving child I went back. No second thoughts, no hesitation I loved him. Six months later he did it again. It was like a sick joke. This time it was different. He had already taken part of my soul that when he broke up with me I was confused. So, muddled in my head, I stayed with him that night. I cried for hours lying next to him full of disbelief with hope that I was dreaming. He rubbed my back and gave me water. It was as if I was sick and all I needed was cough syrup and after three days I would get better. We had breakfast, we had a nap, we had lunch, we made love and still I felt the pain. The next few days were a blur full of stupid things. In the middle of the night I drove to his house. I called him a million and one times. I did everything I could to see him. He became my pain and cure. Some may say I’m a masochist. Some will call me crazy now for allowing myself to be friends with him.

​I don’t know if I could ever be over him or how much I loved him but I do know that would never get back with him. I do know that I hope we could always be friends because there is something about him and us that is impossible to break.

See I don’t think I could ever feel the same way for him because that kind of love has come and he took away. I love him in such a different way. He is my protector, the one I could tell anything to, the one that will never judge me. He is there if I need him but keeps his distance. Can I lie and say that it does not hurt, no; it does from time to time it hurts. But I have learned and accepted that he was not the one for me and he does not deserve me.

“I always say that two people should fit like two pieces of a puzzle”, but if there is even a slight gap we have to keep trying to find the perfect fit. The cure to a broken heart is not cough syrup, it’s not staying friend with that person, and it’s not accepting the situation; it is whatever works for you. The cure for a broken heart is whatever you do to feel better. If distance works for you, stay away. If hating helps, then hate them. If running or sleeping or screaming or jumping just do what you want. Just remember that if it stops working, make a change.