My Very First

The first time I kissed a boy I was 14 and he was just a boy, and I just a girl. He was a bit different this boy. He had braces and combed his hair back. It was in math class when I first noticed him and he noticed me. See I have always been a bit strange and for some reason what I do has always been different. I can’t really explain how this boy and I initiated our dating but I can tell you that our friendship began in math class. See our teachers dad had died and I wrote her a feel better card. It’s not like I needed brownie points I had an A in the class. I have always just felt other people’s pains. Almost, as if it had happened to me. This boy, being a boy began to call me TP teacher’s pet but instead of making me mad I laughed. See I was never embarrassed to be me and it was cute that he was flirting. Days went by and TP continued and next thing you know we are standing in the Science building holding hands and with no say he just kissed me. I was shocked and it was as if that moment had frozen. From there on we were attached to the hip. We wrote love note, poems and had long making out sessions. He bought me little roses and a bear for Valentine’s Day.  We kissed in the rain and he walked miles to see me. We talked on the phone and he took his socks for me when mine were wet. He walked me home and picked flower for me. It was the sweetest love I had ever had in my life. But like all things with love comes heart ship. I had told him what had happened to me and he became jealous, insecure, but most of all very protective.  And just like my whole world had been chattered. It had been destroyed by someone who led to destroying me and my relationship. I’m not ready to describe what happened to me on my 15^th birthday but it was not good. This boy could not help me and he walked away. Junior year of high school was not the same. The one I loved had left me because it was too hard to handle. Do, I cried and cried and cried. A year and a half later we met but I could never go backwards. I could not let him back in. The first time in my life I realized that could hate. I did not hate him. I hated the fact that I was ruined and he walked away when I needed him the most. It took some time to understand why he did and why I always loved him and why we still keep in contact. I could never forget my first kiss, the first time I realized I loved, and the first time I had needed and wanted someone in my life.

PS. To this boy: if you ever read this just know that I know it was hard and I will always H.I love you.