E and Four years

Senor year in High school was amazing!!! I know that most people hate high school but I actually had a blast especially senor year. I had turned 18 during senor year. I was in every club possible and was swimming on top of that I had the best friends I could have ever made. Every Thursday through Sunday we would go out to parties and I was dating a boy. That relationship only lasted 6 months but it was blast.  This was the same year that I had gotten a small scholarship and had gotten in to all the schools I had applied to. I was on top of the world but with that came many obstacles. It was the first time in my life that being an immigrant actually faced me face to face. I had gone through the entire school system and now I could not afford college because I was not a citizen. To make it more interesting my mother had gone through her second divorce and I found her in the worst depression I had ever seen her. I imagine she was doing drugs because she was always locked in her room and awake all night. She would leave with random people and not come home for days. I was the head of the family and I took care of my brothers. Then one day she took my brothers and left them at my grandmother house.

While all of this was happening one day E showed up at my door. He was a boy I had often thought about because he was quite peculiar. Except I had never had spent much time getting to know.  I invited him to in with all my other friends and I made us all dinner. He looked at me and said “if you feed me I will never leave” and he never did. He became one of my best friends and eventually we dated. It was the toughest relationship because we were incredibly compatible except I was faced with growing and taking on responsibilities that most 18 year old girls do not face.  The next four years E stayed by my side and most people thought we’d get married. Unfortunately, I was not ready for that.  There are many components to why not and why we broke up, mostly my fault. See I have always been good at destroying relationships. It has always been easier to walk away. The most important reason is that no one should have to go through my pains because I have to.  E and I broke up in 2006-2007.  He deserved better. He needed someone normal, someone to give him what I could not. It was hard because even after the brake up, we kept in touch and at times we even slept together. It was hard to let go of four years.

List of things in the four years

1. I had a 3.5gpa

2. I was homecoming queen

3. I got a scholarship

4. I got into every school I applied to

5. I began to date E

6. My mother disappeared

7. I took care of my brothers

8. I was homeless

9. I was still dancing Tahitian dancing b/ the Sencil family let us do it no cost

10. I moved in to my best friend parents’ house

11. I worked illegally

12. I had 3 jobs

13. I took legal guardianship for my siblings

14. I moved in with E to our own apartment along with my brother.

15. We got a dog (Tug)

16. We broke up

Being an older sister taking a role of a mother was not easy. I had long working hours and no sleep, always tracking down my brothers. At times they went in and out of juvenile detention. Making sure they went to school and mediating when they fought.

This story is not for anyone to feel sorry for me. This story is to tell E that without him I would not have ever been able to survive that stage in my life. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving my family no matter the disasters. Thank you for all the rides to Target, all our furniture building because it was all form Ikea. Thank you for making me laugh and for creating “heavy Hands”. Thank you for sleeping with me in the car. Thank you for all that you did. I’m sorry I could not give you more.

I always knew you’d be happy and I know you found that.