Have you ever seen
a woman walk into a room and charm everyone? If you have not seen such a thing,
you need to meet my mother. See, we never had much and we moved around a lot. We
rented rooms, apartments, lived with my grandmother, lived in a car and even in
shelters. We were far from even middle class. But if anyone knows my mother you
would know that she has this wift of elegance. There is something about her I
cannot explain. It was as if she owned the world. She is the kind of woman that
no matter the day or what the weather is like she is always dressed up. She never
walked out without makeup and heels. Men would surround her like she was the
only one in this world. She knew how to get what she wanted. The only thing
about her is that her insecurity and immaturity made her dull. It was like a
beautiful painting was being washed away. She was the color red but certain
things made her dark, noire, she had a side you did not want to know.
When my mother was
happy she was happy. She always played music, danced around the house and enjoyed
drinking. Then there were times when she would call our names screaming,
shouting for us. You never knew what it was about. Most days she wanted to us
to find her other shoe because she had lost one a few nights ago. So, there we
were on the search for her shoe. If it took long she would begin by cursing at
us, only to smacking us on the head. If you cried she would hit you and you did
not want that.
I will never
forget, one hot summer day. I cannot recall why she was furious I just remember
she began to hit me and then my brother. I was six and he was five. She was on
top of him. With a wooden spoon she began to hit his face, time after, time
after time, after time. All I could do was screaming for her to STOP but she
would not.
Then there was
another time when we were trying to find something and we couldn’t so she began
to hit us. She took my face against the mirror and told me she hated me. She proceeded
to get my brother and I completely naked and had us kneel down outside in the
rain. She had us holding buckets of water and if we dropped them she would hit
us.
Then in a moment
she would apologize and somehow I would forgive her. Somehow I felt like it was
my fault. Her charm would enchant me and she would always make it better.
At times I felt
she had two personalities. The lovely woman could have people eating out of her
palm, and then there was other woman that was nasty.
I had been
planning my escape ever since I could remember. In fourth grade I had a job
just helping a lady clean a Laundromat. I began to save all my money. I would
get $25 a day. Next thing you know I had hundreds of dollars because I did it
for a whole year. At the time my mother
had no idea what I was doing because she was too busy going out, having her girlfriends
living with us and sleeping until noon. I had even begun to learn how to drive.
One day we had had a very bad fight and she kicked me out. She said I should
leave if I did not like living whit her, and to take my brothers. It was what I
had been waiting for. It was my moment. If you know me you know I’m stubborn
like donkey. Ran to my room or closet where I lived and packed everything. I
grabbed my brothers and walked out the door. It was the very first time I had
defied my mother and it was the first time she realized I was not six years
old, hahaha I was nine but in my head I was 30. As we waited for the elevator
she walked out after us. She asked “Where do you think you are going?” In reality
I think she just wanted us there because, if not she’d be in trouble. She apologized
and so we went back to hell.
What I gained that
day was strength and for the first time courage. The teemed girl was still
there. I was still shy and awkward but I had a sense of control and no one
could take that from me.
