I guess I could be sitting in the middle of a war zone and not even know it. I did not realize I had that mechanism of ignoring my surroundings, until a boy pointed it out. One day as we were looking at childhood pictures that my father posted on Facebook he turned and said " I love the lost look you have in every picture, as if you were somewhere else". At first I felt it was almost an insult. Especially when he said you do that sometimes when you are thinking.
What!? Did I really do that? No way! I could not be that obvious. The truth is, yes, I do have a lost look when I think.
The look comes from my past. Many times whenever there was chaos I would zone out everything. When my mother would get explosive because she could not find her going out shoes I would just try and ignore her. Whenever she would hit me or my brother I would think of children in other parts of the world who had worse lives than mine. Whenever she swore to me or my brothers and told us she hated us, I would zone her out and think of ways to run away. Slowly I became better and better at distracting myself. When that did not work I would hide in the bathroom. As I got older I began to also try and distract people from noticing my problems by being happy.
Don't get me wrong I don't always zone out for terrible reasons. There in space is where I come up with great ideas. Ideas such as writing, what to paint, places I would love to visit or what to do next.
I maybe lost in space or I may be a dreamer like my friend Lori says.
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